is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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