I cockslap morals
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
