Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
