I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
