It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
