Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
