whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
