Bisexual people are plain selfish.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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