every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
