I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
