I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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