Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
