my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
