he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
