I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
