cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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