I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
