i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
