Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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