she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
