He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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