i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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