Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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