Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
