How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
one two three fourrrrnication!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
