Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
