My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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