so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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