It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
