dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A+ Viking dick
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
