Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
