I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
