You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
