these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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