awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
