im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
