standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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