he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
