The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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