listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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