marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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