i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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