Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
