I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He? As in you personified your dick?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
