Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
