I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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