I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
