i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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