So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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