i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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