I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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