Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
