You work out of a Hotel?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
