I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
