And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just high enough for therapy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
