i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
