Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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